Foundation of My Life, Loneliness and Responsibilities 人生底蘊、孤獨與責任 — Jennifer’s World
I listened to a friend talks about his life experience today, and I pondered about my own. I realized that, while I was certainly not born into a family that “won at the starting line” as he was, the family I was born into seemed to have little to do with my upbringing. Of course, my family was an intellectual family, and my parents did their best to give me the best education they could under the circumstances and conditions.
However, the foundation of my life was formed and created by the “ forbidden books” I read when I was a child and by my “nature” of being a supper book lover.
但是，我的人生的底蘊，是我小時候讀過的那些「 禁書 」，和我瘋狂愛看書的「本性」所形成、造就的，這與家庭無關。
It was those books and my “nature” of being a crazy reader that made, defined, and built me, which is the “innate” me, the original me.
From this, I also found out that I was born to be lonely. I had been reading alone under the quilt with a flashlight since I was a child. I had no friends, or only very few friends at that time. Most of the people I could not be friends with, as if they were not from the same world at all.
In this way, friends and hobnobbing are not “essential” in my life.
On the contrary, when I was a child, I walked around when I saw acquaintances, because I was afraid to greet people.
So, I was born to be such a lonely being. My heart has never been in this world, nor can I enter the world. Even if I have tried or pretended to enter the world, even if I have also been perplexed and pained to death for the things in this world, I have never really belonged here.